What's on my mind...

Something is in the Silver Vixen air...Gillie Haynes, our In Waiting columnist, writes this month about a blank page and Barbara Katz, our New Horizons columnist, is offering a free initial consultation on looking at retirement for the first six women who contact her identify themselves as Silver Vixens.

Last week I led an IT'S REINVENTION workshop for a group of women looking for work and it was a sobering experience for me.  I have led this workshop to great effect for over four years and this was the first time I could not connect the women to their dreams, interests and/or passions. As we look at the next phase of our lives it really is vital to keep ahead of us, what we want our future to look like.  No, that future may not present itself next week, but I am always reminded of the question I head on my very first motivational tape more than 20 years ago, "Are you a wondering generality or a meaningful specific?" or "if you don't know where you are going, anywhere you wind up will be okay."  Wow!  That isn't true!

If you are in a quandry, and you hop on it, contact Barbara and set up a time to find some clarity.

Within the last couple of days, isn't it SO like us to not remember exactly where or when?, I read an article about blogging that really rang true.  It said that something like 91% of all the blogs that have been started are not being updated any more.  Originally, a blog was supposed to be a shortcut to fame and fortune and, with few exceptions, it doesn't seem to have turned out that way.

Writing this blog for the better part of 18 months is a very unusual experience.  I have no idea who or how many people are reading it! Sometimes I hear from a friend about something I wrote, I know what the stats are on how many times the page has been loaded, but other than that I sometimes wonder if anyone is out there!  On other sites I see or read about, women are posting and commenting like crazy.  What does that say about Silver Vixens?  Do we like to read and nod or shake our heads or smile but never comment?  That's not like the women I hang with. We talk all the time!

As always, finding out I am not alone in my questions or not a unique failure has been a comfort.  Sometimes we take our comfort where we find it!

I just went back to working out with a trainer.  I stopped for a while because I didn't want to spend the money, but the reality is that if I don't have a trainer I don't work out.  Not good.  After just a couple of months I was a lot less flexible (don't go there!) and my clothes were fitting differently.  The day after the first session I could definitely tell where I had gone to pot!  I know tomorrow different areas will be protesting, but as I said to Margie, the trainer, "That's why I'm here!"

Naturally I got to thinking that every time we stretch unused muscles, it kind of hurts.  When we upgrade part of our lives or learn something new, we can feel the "stretch", but that's why we're here.  If we don't stretch we atrophy.  If we atrophy, we can't dance. If we can't dance, where's the fun?!? One, two, three.  One, two, three.  Isn't that fun?

Anna Quindlen wrote her farewell article in last week's Newsweek magazine.  Her reasoning was the need to step aside so the younger writers would have an opportunity, that she was getting to old to hold onto her space.

Clearly this caused many of us a great deal of angst -- losing the opportunity to read her thought-provoking words every other week AND the concept that if she is over the hill, what about us?  Must we really step aside, out of the picture, so younger colleagues have a chance to shine?  If we are trying to form a society, to use President Obama's words, that does not reduce others to caricatures, why must it be either us or "them"?  Either/or?  Why not "and"?  Why can we not learn from each other? We all have much to learn and to teach.  How can we open our hearts and our ears to hear something new and add it our knowledge? This goes for everyone -- not just the Old Folks.  The world will be a much better place.

I didn't write about Mother's Day last week because I was so interested in Cinco de Mayo, but let me tell you I have heard A LOT about Mother's Day.  I don't read all the Hallmark Cards for the holiday, but I doubt they have them for the was some of us feel --whether toward our own mother or our daughters. It can be one very tough day. I spent time yesterday visiting with a dear friend who was working through a call from a daughter that had all the right components, yet lacked heart.  I've certainly been there!  Many times I have read a beautiful card and wondered if it was chosen for the meaning or because it was handy and required.  What to do?  How to salve the pain?  With the exception of those who are disturbed, I truly think each of us do the very best we can as mothers.  None of us set out to see what a lousy job we can do, how we can make life miserable for those lives we have brought into the world.  Where does the disconnect from our daughters come for many of us?  I wish I knew.  I would wave my magic wand and fix it!

You know by now that I LOVE a good celebration.  Today is Cinco de Mayo, so celebrate as you choose -- a great Mexican meal, margaritas, listening to Linda Ronstandt's Canciones de Mi Padre, you pick.  Remember though that Cinco de Mayo celebrates overcoming seemingly impossible odds and being victorious.  It is not a celebration of freedom, but rather strength and not giving up just because you are outnumbered and the other side (no matter what that may be -- let's get metaphorical here) is seemingly better funded, has more history, more experience.  Maybe I would say it's about having heart. Something most Silver Vixens know a lot about.

This revelation brings me to my mother-in-law, only in part because she is Mexican and wisely uses her wonderful enchiladas as bribery!  Her guacamole gets rave reviews and disappears whenever I make it.  She is the mother of my first husband (and father of my daughters), but she has always been "my mother-in-law" or Mom though her son and I have been divorced nearly 35 years.  Through thick and thin Mom has been no more than a phone call away.  When my own mother died, she was at her funeral. When my second husband was injured, she called and asked where I was going for Thanksgiving and every holiday after that.  When Sweet Jack and I married she sent a beautiful wedding gift and is a little peevish that she hasn't met him yet. She has the capacity to always make me feel loved and welcome, that she is happy to hear from me -- even episodically.  Many good things came from that marriage that didn't last -- the best are three women, a generation apart, my daughters and Mom.

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

You know I love SilverVixens.com.  I love lavishing attention on it.  I love the women I meet because of  and through it. Every once in a while several things appear together and I am nearly overwhelmed.  This week is one of those weeks.

Today two new columnists join the already wonderful ranks of bright, thoughtful women who bring us insights we need, connections that enrich our lives and take us to far away places with strange sounding names --- oh dear, I got carried away by that song my dad so loved!

I would like to introduce you to Sherry Anshara, founder of QuantumPathics.  I met Sherry about three years ago at my first Scottsdale Chamber of Commerce women's luncheon.  First I thought, "How nice to meet someone shorter than me!!" and then I notices she is truly radiant.  Just think.  How many truly radiant people do you meet?  Not many, if any.  As I have gotten to know Sherry, I have found that she is incredibly lively, extremely thoughtful, and of nearly boundless energy.  Aren't these descriptors we would ALL like to have?  When she suggested we figure out how to work together, I knew I would learn a lot and have my mind stretched.  Today is the beginning of our collaboration!  Just look to your right on the page and click on Quantum Pathic for an excellent introduction to how Sherry sees the world!

As if that wasn't enough, I would like to introduce Barbara Katz, a bright, delightful, happy woman who brings a wealth of warmth and insights from her background as a therapist for many years and her passion of helping SilverVixens and their loved ones approach the post traditional work years creatively and thoughtfully.  Notice I didn't use the loaded word "retirement".  If SilverVixens is about challenging the assumptions about Women of a Certain Age, Barbara is about challenging the assumptions we have been handed about retirement.  Barbara's column is New Horizons and her first article speaks to a topic we can ALL understand -- mothers and daughters!

In Waiting auther Gillie Haynes reports back on her birthday celebration last month -- and Gillie is NOT about the number of candles on a cake -- even if she is "In Waiting" to reach SilverVixenhood!

What I love about our community is our vibrancy.  As far as I can tell from your message and comments -- and keep them coming! -- this community is unique in that we seem to value the breadth of our involvements and accomplishments.  We are not just interested in finding online games, crossword, recipes.  However, we like to learn, expand our horizons and love to live well.  Isn't fun to find like minded women?

I was just reading an article about several studies that prove how
important friendship is to a woman's health.  Duh! comes to mind.  An
interesting side note was that in an extensive study of women nurses
with breast cancer they found that, without having close friends they
were four times as likely to die from the disease as women with 10 or
more friends.  Having a spouse wasn't associated with survival!



When I think of the best and worst times of my life -- and I have lived
a VERY full life! -- the best people to share with were my
girlfriends.  As good as the men may have been, or not, it was my
womenfolk who understood the significance of what was going on.  It is
still true and may be even truer as we add on the years.  Let's face
it, there are some parts of life we can only laugh at with another
woman.



The studies also go on to indicate having girlfriends doesn't require
they be nearby, just be.  Their existence will, for some reason, give us
better access to health services and care -- maybe because we run for
each other -- AND also increase our mental acuity.  By the way, women
with strong friendships also get fewer colds.



If this posting isn't the perfect encouragement for as many girls'
nights out as necessary I don't know what is!  Now of course, we all
know how beneficial red wine and chocolate are.  Perfect! 

Chicks, vino
and chocolate!  Prosit!

Today I got to spend a delightful afternoon with Silver Vixen Cindy White, owner of CiCiBianca.  Cindy is experiencing the side of entrepreneurship that no one likes to talk about and she is keeping on keeping on as we all do.  A friend requested I look at this web page to learn about Cindy.  I was captivated and we set a date to meet.  Here's the little thing that needs to be done:  Click Here, read her amazing story and, if you desire, make a comment.  That's it -- nothing to buy, no selling of firstborn.  It will take you about four minutes and you up her chances of keeping on keeping on.  Isn't that what a sisterhood is for?

The jackets?  Ohmigosh -- I have been in the clothing business since '76 and never seen anything like them -- not cheap, but these shouldn't be -- they are colorful, creative, and simply magnificent!

Between the two of us, Sweet Jack and I have six children -- two of
his, two of mine, and two of his late wife's who we both consider
family.  Of course we have all been talking about the recession and how
difficult things are for so many in our country (and around the world)
right now.  But this week, one of our daughters lost her job.  The
recession has come home to roost.  We are heartened by her response
and attitude, we are so pained this has happened to this wonderful
family though it wasn't a shock, and we find ourselves watchful.  How
best to support?  How much to inquire?  So many questions and at the moment so few answers
for any of us. 

Any thoughts?