Those Four Little Words

If you’re next to an open window, I wonder if you could imagine opening it up and taking all of your financial security expectations and just casting them to the wind. Because in today’s economy that’s exactly what you’ll have to do in order to survive and keep your sanity. Any sense of reliability of financial security, retirement, social security, health insurance, home ownership, heck even the post office is rethinking their existence, are changing shape right before our eyes.

The financial crisis is affecting our family system as well. Maybe the scenario looks a little like this: After years of homework, carpooling, and parent -teacher conferences that day finally arrived when they went off to college. A little teary-eyed (maybe), you took solace in turning their bedroom into that much needed place of “your own.” The room where you spread out your yoga mat, sipped some tea and just gazed out the window. College graduation came and went in a blink and when they got their first job, you truly felt the umbilical cord melt away. Busy reacquainting yourself with yourself, the phone rang and on the other end you heard the four dreaded words, “I lost my job.” Right about now, you open that window up from paragraph one and scream I can’t believe it!!!!! After you ‘ve had your scream, you probably spoke softly and reassuringly into the phone and said, “honey don’t worry everything will be alright.” Because, that’s what mothers do. They reassure, they hold the hope, they make the boo-boo better.

Now what? Option1, pretend it never happened, option 2, give them a limitless supply of money to keep them pseudo-independent option 3, you know option 3 the okay, well why don’t you move back home for a while till your able to get back on your feet. Census figures show that 56 percent of men and 43 percent of women ages 18 to 24 today live with one or both parents. Some never left, while an estimated 65 percent of recent college graduates have moved back in with their parents. Take comfort in those figures, they mean you are not alone and it’s not your fault. But let’s look at some pointers that might be of value in times like these:
1. This is temporary, most likely if your kids were living on their own successfully and making good decisions, chances are they will return to that status when the economy is on the upswing.
2. Have a serious talk with them about your expectations. This might include house rules, responsibilities and contributing monetarily to the household. Follow this talk up with a written agreement.
3. Teach them about understanding debt and financial responsibility regarding credit cards and living within ones means. There are many websites that can support you in this endeavor including the woman with the crazed eyes, Suze Orman.
4. Seriously think about just how much you can afford to give without jeopardizing your financial future and come up with a realistic figure.

If you’ve got a sense of humor, now is a good time to put it to use. If you don’t maybe it’s a good time to cultivate one. Try not to fall into old familiar traps of behavior. Remember, you are not responsible for anyone’s feelings but your own. Which means, if they are upset about something, it’s okay for them to have their feelings. Talk through any discontents rather than letting them fester. The most wonderful gift you can give is the gift of listening. Sometimes being heard and understood has more impact than anything you can do. Don’t forget, if the situation turns into something unbearable, get professional help. What it can save you in your mental and physical well being is well worth it. Think of it as an investment rather than an expense. And, repeat this piece of Chinese wisdom over and over again, “Crisis equals opportunity.”